I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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