Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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