I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
