Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
