You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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