smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
