he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
