she woke up with a sticky ear
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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