Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
