we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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