YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
