haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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