i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
