So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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