I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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