I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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