Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
