When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
