So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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