i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
