On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
