I hate all girls vehemently.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
