youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize