The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
