dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dignity is for republicans.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
