I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
