Define "chronic" masturbator.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
