Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
