Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
