I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
