Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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