Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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