You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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