So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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