There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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