It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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