Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
