this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
