I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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