the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
