Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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