party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
