onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
