I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
