She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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