JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
