ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
