yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
