No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
