How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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