She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize