I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
