Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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