Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
