I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
