So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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