Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i will never coherently bang her
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
