Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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