I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
