Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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