Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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