I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Can you bring me the toilet please
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
