I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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