K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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