Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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